Welcome to the Crazy
Hey, everyone. I wanted to take a minute and introduce myself. Finding a time do so is not so easy with dogs barking, a toddler running amok, and getting up at 3:30 am everyday to finish Book 1. With that, I figured I might as well show readers an authentic version of myself. I'll be adding more videos to discuss the journey that writing these books has taken me on. I'm absolutely exhausted, if you can't tell from this video.
First, I said that I chose to write these books. In reality, I'd say a better characterization is these books chose me. However, I was granted some creative freedom to accomplish the task. I tried writing more serious novels and then COVID happened. Real-life became too serious and I didn't want to go to darker places while writing. Fun became a priority for me.
The idea of Sloan and Hunter had been kicking in my head for many years. I love the fantasy genre. I think my favorite Christmases were the ones where my family went to see the latest Lord of the Rings movies. Every book in my kindle involves some sort of paranormal creature and I love my fantasy peeps. We seem to be a more sensitive crowd, thoughtful, and just really good people. I love the romance community too, but I had too many dead bodies in my books to fit in.
I say "why did a lawyer decide to write these books." Becoming a lawyer was what I thought my life's purpose was and the universe had other plans for me. While there's nothing more exhilarating than being in the courtroom, you can't ignore what the big picture plan might be if you want to live your best life. That's where the bumps in the road come in. Because I refused to listen to my inner guidance and continued to, as Glennon Doyle says, "chase pink bunnies," life kicked my ass. All the way to the keyboard. On the outside, I'm sure life didn't look that challenging, but I was dying inside.
Looking back, I would choose to go over every single bump if given the chance. I had to shed everything from my life that didn't support my creativity. Before my dad passed away, I thought my career was the only thing that mattered. Making money was my number one priority since I grew up too close to poverty for my comfort. For this reason, I thought life was a struggle, and only the strong survive. Things like compassion, empathy, and kindness were overrated. When I watched my father pass away from my office on Skype, the universe was telling me my priorities were fucked up. That was also my dad's final lesson for me. What followed was the darkest time in my life. I learned the power of kindness and speaking up for the weak when they can't speak. I've acknowledged my mistakes. I tried to make amends to the people I'd wronged or bullied. Some were loving and accepting. Others were not. And I can't fault them for that, but I did have to forgive myself too.
Eventually, I pieced this new version of me together. I landed my dream job, lived in a gated community in a beautiful home, and was married with a beautiful son. Life became quiet in the fall of 2019. The dust settled. And there was still a raging emptiness inside. The image below shows my view as I questioned everything.
My son was silly and beautiful and I felt like I was missing out on the depth of life's little pleasures that he was trying to each me through his innocence. I remember thinking how could I be a good mom if I can't teach my son happiness? Then again, maybe this is all there is to life? The grind of a job and living for the weekends? Having too many margaritas to numb myself from asking the deeper questions like why am I here? What can I offer this world? At the same time, I had an urge to write. This drive along with my questions about life converged. Now, I'm almost finished Book 1 and my life looks totally different.
I still have my son and we laugh over everything, including drinking the invisible water he pours from his tot kitchen. I live in a rented home the movers described as a "bird cage," but I love it. My marriage is over and saying goodbye is difficult, but necessary for our growth as human beings to continue. More importantly, I'm rediscovering who I am with every page Sloan reveals to me.
Writing this series reminds me of the bumper sticker I sometimes see about shelter pets that says, "Who rescued who?" Sloan would be deeply offended by my comparison of her to a sad droopy puppy. Yet, I think she'd get my meaning. I thought I'd be imparting my knowledge to the books. It turned out to be the exact opposite. In the end, learning to become a stronger creative conduit for these books has taught me more about myself and life than I ever imagined. It's been a fantastic journey that I'll share with you in more posts. I'll be forever grateful to Sloan and the crew for teaching me about life, setting high expectations, healing from grief, learning to love myself again, becoming better than my circumstances to achieve my dreams, and embracing the support the universe offers if we're willing to ask. That last one is for my readers who like the "woo woo" stuff.
Jane.
